Mind on Fire - Arnold Thomas Fanning
Having picked up this book from Amazon, I'm aware now through further recommendations that there are many books about coping with mental illness and relating personal experiences of living with mental health problems. What is different in the case of Mind on Fire is that it is an account by someone who was a writer before the problems kicked in. The only other account I've read like this is David Mark's Piece of Mind and there is a sense that their illness is, or has become, inextricably linked with their creativity as a writer, with who they are, how they think and how they write. For David Mark the experience really provides an insight that feeds into the darkest recesses of the minds of some of the characters in his crime fiction, while for Arnold Fanning, a playwright, author of short stories and film scripts, the title of the book sums up the double-edge sword of his condition; the creative mind on fire to write, but eventually burning so fiercely that it becomes impossible to get thoughts into order.
As a writer, Fanning is able to give you a shocking insight into this condition in the opening introduction to Mind on Fire, in a brief but vividly described hypomanic episode of seemingly perpetual motion, written without punctuation to carry that sense of being completely unable to pause or stop, careening from one invented crisis situation to another. Unable to sleep, fuelled by stimulants, drugs and alcohol, the rage eventually takes its toll. The opening chapters of the book likewise alert you to the seriousness of the condition as Arnold quits his job and girlfriend and embarks on a course for writers, assured that he is bound to be recognised for his extraordinary talent as a dramatist, movie writer or whatever he chooses to turns his hand to.
Except of course it doesn't run that smoothly and, as he comes on and off the medication he has been taking to cope with depression since the death of his mother ten years ago, Arnold’s behaviour becomes increasingly erratic and menacing, a danger to himself and others. He soon finds himself confined to hospital for treatment, where a bipolar disorder is diagnosed. The condition not only seems to have a serious impact on moods - from pure elation to suicidal ideation - but seems to physically possess his body, driving him from place to place, taking Arnold from an ideal and happy existence in New York and the Hamptons to the depths of being homeless on the streets of London in seemingly the blink of an eye.
You might have experienced or know someone who has suffered from severe depression and bipolar condition, but unless Arnold is an especially extreme case, you can't imagine the reality. And you don't need to imagine it because the author as a writer has found a way to describe it not just in medical terms, but in remarkably precise detail captures the rush of thoughts and ideas, too rapid, too extreme to be able to settle into something achievable, quickly distracted from following through and moving on to something else; the dangerous delusions that take over, the self-hatred and self-doubt. The physical symptoms too are horrifyingly recounted, the consequences of hyperactivity, the inability to sleep, the steep comedown and the crash.
As the subtitle of the book indicates - Mind on Fire, A Memoir of Madness and Recovery - the fact that you are able to hold this book in your hands and read these extraordinary accounts of ‘madness’ is testament to the fact that the author survived the experience, found a way through it and was able to write about it. And write a remarkably open, honest, detailed account of the thought processes that help explain behaviours that you otherwise would find it hard to comprehend. It's not an apologia, and no one should need to apologise for being the victim of this horrendous mental disorder, but a story of survival.
Two factors - or at least two main factors - stand out as critical in Arnold's case to someone being able to overcome and get through the worst; and this is probably where this life lesson comes into play. Arnold was able to count on friends who - despite having to endure considerable abuse and mistrust at times - offered help, sympathy, advice, guidance and just maintained that friendship even through the toughest of times. Also vital to recovery was regaining a sense of worth and purpose: in Arnold's case, validation for the success of his plays and the ability to push on through disappointments and let-downs. Other factors that perhaps laid the ground for this growth are CBT and medication (requiring an incredible amount of trial and error) to help thought processes, stabilise moods and allow those important life experiences to take root.
Like any memoir of this kind, Mind on Fire has its unique personal life experiences that draw you in, but there are few that go through what Arnold Fanning has gone through and come out the other side to be able to to tell the tale. It's a far from self-congratulatory memoir and any sense of achievement is couched in wariness, but the ability of the author to put this life experience down in words and share it has another important purpose. Such is the openness and honesty about the extreme experiences that the author undergoes here and manages to get through, that it offers not just a sense of recognition for others who are dealing with similar experiences, but hope that there is a way through it.
Reading notes: Mind on Fire, A Memoir of Madness and Recovery by Arnold Thomas Fanning was published by Penguin Ireland in 2018. I read a Kindle edition. I personally have never experienced mental illness, but have seen what it can do to others and how difficult it can be to relate to a sufferer and not feel like giving up at times. This memoir is definitely an eye-opener.
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